


Shut Up! No, You Shut Up!

by MiryelENG (Miryel)



Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers - Freeform, Comic, Fluff, Ironspider - Freeform, M/M, Marvel - Freeform, Starker, TonyxPeter, angel demons, mcu - Freeform, peterparker, peterxtony, tonystark - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:35:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23299444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miryel/pseuds/MiryelENG
Summary: Peter Parker doesn't remember the exact moment when those two things appeared on his shoulders and when everything started to change; he only knows that they have always been and , for heaven's sake, they have been more troublesome than usual lately. Nobody is aware of it because, although they are there since he remembers, he immediately realized that it is not something he should tell around.(ENGLISH IS NOT MY PRIMARY LANGUAGE)[Tony Stark x Peter Parker - Fluff / Romantic ]
Relationships: Peter Parker/Tony Stark
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	1. Shut up!

  
  
_art by @_ [ _Miryel_ ](https://miryel89.tumblr.com/tagged/myart)  


  
_«I can hear you tellin' me to turn around Fightin' for my trust and you won't back down  
Even if we gotta risk it all right now, oh (now) I know you're scared of the unknown   
You don't wanna be alone (alone) I know I always come and go   
But it's out of my control.»  
Post Malone & Swae Lee - Sunflower_  


**Prologue.**

When you are five, nobody tells you that thit is the age when everything changes. Nobody tells you or, well ... well, if they have the concern to do it, maybe you are too young to remember that they did it seriously. And Peter Parker doesn't remember precisely the exact moment when those two  _ thing  _ appeared on his shoulder and when, in fact, it all began to change; he only knows that they have always been on him and that, for  _ heaven's  _ sake, they have been more troublesome than usual lately. Nobody is aware of it because, although they are there since he remembers, he immediately realized that it is not something he should tell around. No, in truth Ned knows – his best friend, even if Peter is convinced that he goes along with him because he thinks he is crazy. Logical that he thinks so! Sometimes he thinks he is crazy too! 

And so he’s in the bathroom, brushing his teeth, ready to start a new working day at the  _ Stark Industries _ . A morning calm that he is unable to fully enjoy his faculties, as those two have not revealed themselves yet and, of course, they will arrive shortly. He feels it. It is not for his spider senses that foresee it, but a daily routine that he carries too long, and although he is now accustomed to their presence, he continues to think that his privacy is somehow canceled by that fact.

«Good morning!» 

Peter gasps, and the toothbrush gets out of hand. It falls into the sink, where he leans shortly after, with a heart attack in progress. 

«It was!» He exclaims, frowning and, turning to his right shoulder, he sighs. His  _ clean conscience  _ has appeared; with its halo on its head and the white wings that keep it slightly suspended in the air. He can't see his facial expression, but he knows for sure that he's smiling - unlike him, of course. «Can you avoid appearing so suddenly? I can't risk a heart attack every blessed morning!» 

The little thing on his shoulder crosses his arms over his chest. "And how do I do this? I can't appear anywhere else, knock on the door and ask for permission. I remind you that only you can see me. " 

«Well, we will see. I know I'm crazy and that's the only reason why I see you! By the way, where's that other one?» 

«I don't know. I guess he just woke up. As always, he is not an early riser, you know» replies the creature, and after a second -  _ poof  _ , the other also appears. Black hair raised with jelly, an elegant suit and a funny shirt under the jacket. Eyeglasses with blue colored lenses and a pair of cornus on the forehead, red as fire. He grins. 

«Oh, has the day already started? And you already talk about me!», He exclaims, and the other two snort.

«We were wondering where you ended up,  _ Stark,» _ says the one with the halo and Peter shakes his head. He retrieves the toothbrush from the sink and starts brushing his teeth again. This is the moment when those two begin to quarrel and Peter, as always, wants to keep out of it. He is not interested in the discussions between his  _ rational _ and  _ irrational part _ , revealed in the form of a self dressed as Spider-Man and Tony Stark. He never understood why they look like that - before he became Spider-Man, his good part had his face, then one day he took on that appearance, shortly after he started wearing his costume. Funny. But Peter stopped asking questions long time ago. And, as for Tony Stark, he thinks it's because of the admiration he's always felt for that man - now his boss, at the Stark Industries. Ever since he got there, his irrational part has been pulling him a lot. Sometimes it is unbearable. Most of the time, let's say. 

«Have you changed your suit, Spidy?» 

«Oh, you've noticed!» Exclaims the other one, and his tone of voice has changed; it is more ringing and flattering. Peter slows down the movement of the toothbrush and looks at his rational side. In fact, he changed his suit; now he wears  _ his  _ new suit, the one he and Mr. Stark built a few days ago. It is beautiful, He likes it a lot and, after all, he is happy that even that dwarf has appreciated it so much that he wants to wear it. «Do you like it?»

«Not bad,» is Tony's comment. 

«Not bad? You built it, genius!»

«I didn't build it, my _self_ where Peter works for, built it. Mine would have been better than this, without a doubt. Do you have doubts?» 

«A lot,» Spidy announces, and Peter has the feeling he said it through gritted teeth under the mask. 

He takes a long sip of water at the speed of light and spits it in the sink, irritated.

«Okay, okay. Don't start arguing, please. I don't feel like starting the day with you two who ... well, arguing like a repressed newlywed couple. I don't need you two to ruin my life.» 

«Oh, you're very good at doing that by yourself, Peter. By the way: how's it going with Mr. Stark? Any news on that  _ approach  _ we talked about?» Asks Tony, in a smooth tone that triggers Spidy on the spot. Peter glances at him and hopes that he will take care of closing Tony’s mouth, this time.

«Stop pressing him! He is sooo in love and needs his time. He can't go there and tell him how he feels. It's not something that Peter would do, you know!»

«I am not in love, I have… I have taken a crash and we have already talked about the matter but I will repeat it for the umpteenth time: I will not say anything to Mr. Stark and I will keep it for myself. He ... has enough hassle and he has not need a kid with a crush on him to give him other thoughts. Not to mention that if I do it, in addition to breaking my heart it will drive me away and I don't want to. You know how much trouble I got to get in there when school’s finished, right?», He says, and however much he promised himself that he would not give explanations and would not intervene in their squabble, in the end he is back there to do the only one thing he doesn't want to do: talk about his feelings. 

He has it, a stratospheric crush on Mr. Stark, since last summer, when he came to work there and Tony took it under his protective wing, helping him with the Spider-Man suits, taking it into consideration for some scientific advice and blindly trusting him. They spend a lot of time together, sometimes they also have lunch in the canteen, sitting at the same table. Sometimes Mr. Stark even invites him to dinner out, and they talk about work and bullshit. Nothing more than that, but that's enough for Peter. The time spent with him is enough, because he knows that sooner or later he will pass. Someone else will come to steal his heart, and he will remember that period with some amusement. Hopefully, at least. 

«Very good, you made him sad! Nice work, Stark.» 

«I didn't make anyone sad. You know he does it all by himself when he thinks about that guy. I have nothing to do with it, stop giving me all the blame. I am not his bad part, I am his impulsive part. I urge him to jump, not to fill his head with idiotic thoughts.» 

«They are not idiotic thoughts,» Spidy again scolds him, and Peter feels his little hand on his cheek, with the clear intention of pulling him up with a cuddle. A little appreciates it. That little guy does everything he can to give him a hand and, as it may not seem, he is grateful. He is actually grateful to both of them, even if he doesn't want to admit it. If it hadn't been for the little Spider-Man he would never have chosen the right school he would have thrown himself as always, wrong, then paying the consequences for not having thought about it enough; and if it hadn't been for Tony, who convinced him to take that entrance test to the Stark Industries, throwing himself without even having investigated the questions and how the tests were conducted, he would now be at home eating his hands for the rage. Instead he is there, ready to go back to the coolest workplace in the world again.

«No, they are not idiotic thoughts, but they are thoughts that only lead to a series of missed opportunities. Throw yourself in and tell him how you feel!» Exclaims his irrational part, indicating it with a theatrical gesture.

«Tony, do you know anything? Do you know if he reciprocates me? Because if that were the case, I could almost think about it,» jokes Peter, chuckling, and the little boy snorts a laugh. 

«Just because I look like him doesn't mean I have to know what's going on in his mind.» 

«But you're the same person after all. You are practically identical; arrogant and snooty in the same way» exclaims Spidy and Tony purses his lips thoughtfully.

«Oh, good observation Spidy. So Tony... do you like me?» 

«Not at all,» he replies, lapidary and Peter doesn't have time to get depressed that he continues, «Nothing personal, Parker, but I've been on your shoulder since you were as tall as he is,» he mutters and points to Spider-Man. «I can't like you. We are the same person after all. Sure, you're a rough draft of who I am, and you pay more attention to what I do, but that doesn't mean anything.» 

«I am convinced that it means something: that I have no possibilities. But doesn't really matter, I already knew.» Peter takes off his pajama shirt and starts rinsing himself, puffing. He doesn't care, that umpteenth test is all he needed to convince himself that no, he will never tell Mr. Stark that he has a crush on him.

«Hey, wait a second, Parker!» Tony exclaims and knocks on his temple, to get his attention. 

«Auch! What do you want?» 

«Well, you ask stupid questions and I ask you an equally idiotic one: do you like me?»

«No, I don't like you. I feel the same affection for you and for  _ him  _ as I would have for an unbearable relative that I have to keep inside the house. At the end you become fond but you can't wait to see him get out from your life», he admits, then he sprays the deodorant, puts on his shirt and the two little beings remain imprisoned inside the shoulder straps. They come out of the hole in the neck, gasping for air and pulling a few accidents.

«So you understand that me and your beloved Mr. Stark are not the same thing? And anyway, don't think I'm happy to be here,  _ they  _ forced me to do it. If I could I would run away from you! », He exclaims and Peter sees him pointing at the door with a thumb pointed behind his back. He gives him a smirk and starts straightening his hair. 

«You really are a caveman when you act like this. It's not true that you want to leave,» Spidy says instead, crossing his arms over his chest and sitting cross-legged on Peter's shoulder. «I don't want to leave you alone, Pete.» 

«So, because at least you love me?»

«Also, but above all because you are a disaster and you can't do anything alone,» admits the little boy dressed in red, shrugging his shoulders, and Peter has the impulse to hold him in his hands and choke him. He doesn't do it because he knows he's right, after all. He has never been able to do something alone or, at least, he doesn't know if he is able, as Spidy and Tony have always been there, on his shoulder, trying to support him to make always the wisest decisions ... _ in their own way _ . 

«Okay, that's enough! I have to finish getting ready and I'm almost late one the delay that I usually impose to myself! So go five minutes away or they will fire me.» 

«Got it!» The two consciences exclaim in unison, disappearing with a  _ poof  _ . Peter puts his hands on the sink and watches his reflection in the mirror responds to that same heartbroken look. It will be another wonderful day at Stark Industries and, as always, he will be content with having Mr. Stark with him only for a few hours. That’s enough for him. He doesn’t want nothing more.

_ To Be Continued... _

  
  



	2. Chapter I

**Chapter I**

"Pull on those shoulders."

"Shut up."

"Pull on those shoulders! You look so insecure. "

"Tony,  _ I'm _ insecure!"

«And the time has come to no longer be. Get out of character, come on! This is not how you will conquer him "

"Shut up!" He saying it out loud, and wasn't a great idea. That's usually how it happens, isn't it? There is a great chatter that fills a corridor, and when he speaks aloud with his consciences, there is silence in the exact moment he does it. Typical. It's been fifteen years, after all. He should have called us down, but those who are used to it seem to be employees of Stark Industries. They look at him with an eyebrow lifted up, then they look away, already disinterested, and each of them seems to think: "Ah, it's just crazy Parker that, as always, speaks to himself." If only they knew.  _ If only they knew ... _

"Tony, the rule is to keep quiet when I'm at work. The rule is to allow myself to preserve that minimum of dignity that I have left and not only because I am interested about Mr. Stark, but also to not get fired! », He murmurs, through gritted teeth. He has always tried to learn to do ventriloquist so he can afford those weird conversations with those two even among people, but he seems to have no aptitude for that art. Not that it surprises him. He exceeds in a few things, and they succeed quite well and, fortunately, they are enough to have allowed him that assumption. Too precious to pass up because of him non-existent sanity.

"And since when have I been doing what you say?" Mutters Tony, sitting on his shoulder, and he raises his to make him jump. The little guy pulls his ear.

"Auch! You have to stay quite! Stop! " He still says softly, but he moves too much to look like a normal person. He continues to tighten the shoulder straps of his backpack in his hands, while he looks around making sure that no one is calling the asylum and, still walking the long corridor that will take him to his laboratory, he finally reaches it and he is ready to enter immediately. He leans on the door, exhausted, and the day hasn't even begun.

"Stark, could you listen to him next time?" Says Spidy, who has remained silent until now. Peter turns to look at him and he has his hands on his hips, turned with a certain ease to the other conscience, now intent to looking at his nails, with enough air that would make a missionary lose his temper.

“I'm trying to help him get a wake up call. I don't want to see him throw his life away. We only have one, and he is wasting it on a thousand problems, when the only one is throwing himself with that guy, finding out if he has chances or not and, in case, passing the love disappointment and finding someone else. "

"Oh, as if it is simple," mutters Peter, puffing at a rebel tuft that falls on his eye.

"What? Find someone else? "

“No, go to Mr. Stark and tell him what you want me to say to him. It is not my priority, it is not a fixed nail, it is not necessary. I'm fine, and the moment you understand it and decide to turn your lectures on something else, it will be too late, because I will have a nervous breakdown and someone have already closed me in a recovery center for mental illness! », He exclaims, and he points a finger at him. Tony steps back, but he doesn't seem to be annihilated at all by that note. He stands up on his shoulder and leans his back against his cheek, crossing his arms over his chest.

«Fifteen years that we are on your shoulder and you have not yet understood that we know everything about you, that we feel your every emotion, your every fear, your every thought. Stop pretending you're not thinking about it. Stop doing it with us, because it's useless and a waste of time. You like him, you've a crush on him like a twelve-year-old boy with hormones in turmoil », he replies calmly, and when Peter curls his lips holding his breath and looks at Spidy for moral support, he is displaced when he doesn't receive it. He raises his eyebrows, and the little  _ self _ shrugs, almost mortified.

“Pete, it's true. You can't hide anything from us, you know it better than anyone else. Unfortunately I have to agree with him. "

"But ... but the fact that I think about him doesn't mean that I have to go there and  _ declare _ myself?", He burst out, weighing that word as if he had just thrown out a very bad word. «Come on, it's ridiculous! It's not mandatory."

"No it is not. And on this I agree, it's you who decide but ... Stark said a right thing: you can't stay stalled, you're twenty years old, and so you only risk getting involved in a loop where you would like things but not you don't even try to get them. "

" Did the little guy gave me right  _ twice _ ? Tonight we have to celebrate with caviar and sparkling wine! », Chuckles Tony, and receives from Peter and Spidy a sharp look which, however, does not scratch him, on the contrary makes him laugh out loud. "I was just triyng to say that it is one thing to have two conflicting consciences, one thing is to have them and not follow them. Lately you have not even gone your own way, you have not even chosen the means. Simply you choose to  _ not to do.  _ Which is not a solution, Parker. Do you want to stay still in the same place all your life? "

"Look ... it's complicated. I told you: having already achieved  _ this _ goal in the Industries is something striking than ever, but I would have believed to achieve. Imagine now trying to ...  _ conquer Tony Stark _ ? I am trying to enjoy a huge fortune that has been granted to me. For now this is enough for me », he admits, and is happy that, for now, he is completely alone in his technical laboratory, since that morning is a solo shift.

“It wasn't luck, Peter. You earned it. You are good and you are committed; it's a reward for your consistency, not a win lottery, "says Spidy, and although they are words of great comfort and full of pride, they are rather annoying in his ears. Sweet and honeyed, like the worst phrases strung in chocolates. He is never sure of what he is doing and, when something beautiful happens to him, he never gives himself any credit and on this he is damn sure. He's good, he's good at it, but he's sure there are better people out there who deserve that place far more than he deserves it.

«My diabetes is about to come but, apparently, this is the day of universal judgment: I have to agree with little Spidy. Come on, Pete! Why do you think  _ I _ look like him? Because am I beautiful and damned? Or maybe because I'm your irrational, unconscious, genius, capable part? "

«You look like him because at the age of five I saw Tony Stark live at an Expo and you came out with his face. You know it is so. Just like  _ he used to _ have my face, and now he's got the suit because ... well, I don't know. "

"Because you think Spider-Man is cooler than you," Spidy replies brutally, with an almost enviable calm and temper. Something that affects the heart. "We have this look because you don't want to accept yourself, so project what you would like to be onto us. The day one of us becomes you, then things will have changed. You're not ready yet, I suppose, but one day it will happen, ”he continues, and Peter knows it's a way to reassure him. A clumsy way of doing it, but it does a little.

He sighs. “Guys, declaring myself to Tony Stark won't improve things. I don't ... I don't think ... "

"That you will never like yourself?" Tony continues for him, then chuckles. "Well, it's not up to you. Sometimes you don't need to be convinced, but someone else does it for you and maybe this someone is To- »

"No, it's not Tony Stark! Is not him. It's a passing crush, a relationship impossible to believe real, a raw utopia and now go away, that I should have been at work already. "

"Parker? Are you talking to yourself again? "

" _ Ommygod _ , You two: disappear!" He whispers, but if he could, he would scream. Behind the door on which he leaned, the voice of his boss resounds clear, crystalline and amused. As always. And, as always, he catches him talking alone. Why did he do it so close to the door? He feels so stupid ...

He moves and opens the door. Force a smile, in front of the eloquent gaze of Mr. Stark who has his hands behind his back, almost austere, and wears with enviable elegance a  _ Space Invaders _ shirt , under the jacket of the gray suit.

"Hey there, Mr. Stark!" Greets him, and lets him enter the lab. He closes the door and, when he notices that Spidy is gone and Tony is not, he swallows, as if his boss could see him and start running around the room like an elephant who sees a mouse.

"Invite him to dinner!" Says little Tony, with his hands on his hips and a defiant look that Peter would like to slap.

"Go away," he whispers, while Stark looks around and, at that phrase, turns with an eyebrow raised behind the bluish lenses of his eyeglasses.

"Parker, what do you have to mumble every time? Are you some kind of church fanatic? Do you pray to your own gods, like those of video games? What?"

"I don't ... I didn't mumble anything! I remembered one thing and tried to memorize it. You know, if I say it out loud, it remains more impressed on me, and then maybe I remember it and I'm not making any trouble because I'm used to combining it and in short, what are you doing here? », He asks, in one breath, then holding it in his lungs when he concludes that skein of words tumbled down from his mouth like a waterfall.

"Yes," says Mr. Stark laconically, then sighs, clearly intent on closing the matter there and Peter is happy about this choise. “There's a press conference in Boston next week. We present the AR tactical lenses to the public, as the project is practically completed. Since you were part of it, I thought you should participate too. "

"Are you ... are you inviting me to a product presentation?" He asks, amazed and admired at the same time. Proud that I thought of him.

Stark shakes his head, then smoothing his goatee thoughtfully. “  _ Yes and No _ , it's more an obligation, Parker. You are not invited to the public, but to the scientists who worked on it. I thought about making you come as Spider-Man - you know, to bring some color to a boring event, then I remembered how stiff you were at the charity event that organized your aunt that time, and I changed my mind."

"Stiff? No, no, I was ... I was nervous, but not rigid ... », he begins, then burst into a vibrated laugh. "It seems a little over the top."

"You were stiff," decides Mr. Stark, with a smirk, then points a finger at him. «Come as a scientist. You will speak, you will answer the questions of the journalists, you will make an appointment. In short, let's also grow on this side, given that in the scientific one you have already proven yourself valid. I need you to gain confidence, and to give it to people. You're insecure, Parker and I want us to work on this. Okay? "

«O-okay, but, listen ... Boston is far away, the journey is a bit expensive and I n-»

«But who the hell do you think you're talking to? Business trips are paid by the company, and also the hotel. Packed lunch, breakfast included, gluten free waffles, cereals, whatever you want. Dinner included, only excesses are a luxury that I have no intention of financing you, and I would also say quite rightly. "

"Excesses? Mr. Stark, I don't know- "

«I understand, I'll pay you those too. After all, at the end of the conferences you will strongly desire a Mojito », concludes Mr. Stark, particularly accustomed to interrupting him that day, as if he did not want to give him the opportunity to find flaws in that proposal -  _ proposal?  _ No, he said it too, it's a working obligation - and therefore denying him his presence, apparently very ...

"Glad," says little Tony, appearing suddenly, with a certain hilarity in his voice. Peter gasps and gestures for him to leave, waving a hand to make him understand. It seems to understand the antiphon and disappears with a snort.

"What are you doing, Parker?" Asks his boss, and when Peter returns to face him, he still sees that confused expression on his face and, in some way, almost irritated by his over-the-top behavior.

"Nothing, I was chasing a  _ fly, _ " he says and knows that he will have to deal with little Tony afterwards for calling him that way. "All right. All right, okay! If you want me to come, I will. I promise you I will do my best and will not disappoint you. "

Tony Stark smiles smugly. He puts a hand on his shoulder and winks. "This is the right spirit. Now get back to work, that those glasses still need some improvement and staying here talking alone won't help you speed up the job. "

«I assure you that I do not speak alone! Well ... sometimes I do it, but it's my own way of concentrating », he tries to justify himself, because he  _ knows _ very well that  _ everyone who _ works there, knows that Peter Parker is crazy and speaks to himself. Maybe that's why he never managed to bond with anyone.

"If you say it helps you, who am I to judge you," replies the man, then goes to the door and, before closing it, gives him one last warning. "Go to work, or I'll cut your wages in half," he concludes, laughing, then disappears.

"This is a rather  _ intimate _ invitation ," comments Tony, appearing again on his shoulder.

"Do not you ever do it again! Never appear suddenly again while I talk to other people - while I talk to Mr. Stark! », He warns him and, meanwhile, approaches the work table. He turns on the computer and sits across from it in a bad mood.

"Ah, let's go. You were finally about to rationalize something and you decided to block the flow of thoughts. You needed someone to wake you up. He wants you with him. He could have asked to anyone else but he decided to ask you. "

«Of course he asked it to other people! And I’m sure I will not be the only one who will go there. Don't always get into my head the idea that I get the exclusive on him, because I know it's not like that », he replies, entering the password in the device that starts to load.

«No, you know that there is a possibility that he has it, but you are too afraid of being burned by a rejection. He is making you understand in every way that he is interested in you! "

"It is not interest in  _ that sense _ ! Look, it's complicated. Maybe he admires me, maybe he has a predilection towards me, maybe he likes me as a scientist, maybe he likes me as a person but not ... it is not obvious that he likes me in that sense. Tony, the fact that I like a man, a male  _ human being _ , doesn't mean it's the same to him, it's not as common as you think. The mistake ... the ethical mistake is mine », he concludes, frustrated. He hides his face in his hands, too convinced, as always, that he is the wrong one. It is not certain that the man also has his same ...  _ tastes?  _ He doesn't even know how to define himself, he's just ashamed. He doesn't accept himself, he would like to be like everyone, he wants love like everyone, he wants be happy like everyone and but ...

"But you don't even try, because a reject is worse than a doubt." This time it's Spidy talking with the sad tone of someone who has understood too much, who feels too much of those emotions and for this reason he would like to erase them from his head and make him really happy, for once, without being afraid of them. “There is no ethical error, Peter. Love is love. And you're the one who thinks it in the first place or I wouldn't be here to tell you, only that the world forces you to think otherwise. "

"I just wish things were less complicated ... and I know they are not easy for anyone but ..."

"But happiness is everyone's right," says Tony, then yawns and as much as he wants to show that he doesn't care, he really cares a lot. Or would not be there to try to urge him to come forward. Peter knows that it is, and it is in moments like that that he realizes that, after all, he is not really alone and that they are someone he can trust. «Go there and see how it goes. If you don't make the move, maybe it will be him. But while you are having problems because you think that loving a man is wrong, maybe he gets the same feelings because you are too young for him and it is not said that your interest is, but only admiration. If you are such an idiot, you will never go anywhere. "

Peter never took that fact into consideration. He never thought that, perhaps, Tony Stark could have always tried to show his interest by probing the ground, and behaving with a certain discretion because, after all, he always took it for granted that he would not replace it. Seen in those terms, the thing almost seems to have its own logic, but it is too confused to think about it and it has too much work to do, to stop and take time to analyze everything.

"We'll talk again. Now ... please let me finish or i’ll forget about Boston too, " he says and, before the two can disappear, he bites his lip and looks at them. "Anyway thanks."

Spidy and Tony make a military salute, then disappear with a  _ puff _ and, when he is alone, Peter has too many tangled thoughts in his head, to rationally assimilate that in a week he will be in Boston with Mr. Stark. Unaware that that trip will change his life.

**End of Chapter I**


	3. Chapter II

**Chapter II**

Peter had never taken a plane in his life, and if there is something he learned after that flight, it is that he didn't like it very much. The problem wasn’t the height that has frightened him, but the departure. He had not expected that the plane on the runway would reach a speed of that caliber. He had always thought that taking a run for altitude was a different experience. And, Mr. Stark's giggles, sitting in front of him on that private jet, didn't help him at least pretend he had it, a little courage.

It is six in the morning, he has a terrible sleep and two restful hours of rest, from which he woke up because of a turbulence.

“They don't happen that often. Of course, on your first flight, it must have been a very bad experience. " Mr. Stark told him with an amused smile, then patted him on the shoulder when he passed him to reach the airport exit, greeted by some people in suits. One of them is holding a sign with  _ Stark Industries _ written on it . They must be people from the hotel that will host them.

"Damn, I feel all the organs squeezed!" Spidy exclaims, appearing on his shoulder and, immediately afterwards, Tony also reveals himself. Peter sighs, squeezing the straps of his backpack more tightly between his fingers. It blows away a rebel tuft that falls on his face.

“Organs? Do we have organs? We don't even exist! "

"Well, the feeling is the same that Peter feels, so yes, I feel all the organs squeezed! Like the time we went on a roller coaster and I had that sense of vomiting, remember?” the little spider says, pointing at the other with a gloved finger.

“I only remember Peter who also vomits his soul under the Ferris wheel. Was a great day, the day at the rides,” he replies sarcastically.

“We really have to remember  _ that  _ day? Come on, there are other topics to talk about or ... hey, I had an idea!” Peter exclaims and both Tony and Spidy look at him interested, enthusiastic, “Why don't you disappear and leave me alone until I am in the hotel? So, not to seem even more crazy psychopath for Mr. Stark!”, He smiles, but with a bitterness under the palate that almost makes him get the gastric juices. He is in a bad mood; he made a sorry figures, on that plane, tightened to the armrests of his seat and the belt so tight that it left his mark on his hips. He needs a shower, a glass of water and to rest his brain, just to not look like a homeless man who has scrounged a passage on his boss's private jet and to restart his neurons. The first conference will be in a few hours, after lunch and the second - and last, the following day, then they will leave. These will be tough and long days, but the idea that Mr. Stark has chosen him electrifies him and is not afraid to face them, those long hours of work.

«Parker?»

Peter comes back to reality. He glances forward and Tony Stark is there, one hand tucked into his suit pocket and one to adjust his glasses, turned towards him with a smile.

"If you don't hurry, I'm leaving without you," he says, and Peter forces himself to put all those thoughts aside, hopping on the spot to catch up with him. He stands beside him and, when they’re out, a long black car awaits them. A little man with a funny hat opens the door for them; when Mr. Stark gestures for him to get into the car, Peter hesitates.

"I've never been in a limo!" He exclaims, and feels so damned stupid for saying it. So he takes his seat and shakes his head, disappointed.

“Oh, so much news in your life! First the plane, then the limousine. I guess you've never been to a five-star hotel."

"No, I think my maximum is camping!" He jokes, and is happy that Mr. Stark laughed at what is not, it's not a joke. "Where are the others?"

"The others?" Repeats Tony. He takes off his glasses and raises an eyebrow, before starting to clean them with a flap of his jacket.

"Yes, the other scientists! I thought you had brought other people with you, or at least everyone who worked on the project. "

«No, one representative is enough for me. I told you, we have to work on self-esteem and contact with the public. You seemed the most suitable. "

"I don't think I understand ..."

“It's just you, Parker. I didn't bring the others. I would have been enough but I decided so. A  _ variant _ ”, the man smiles, then puts on his glasses and takes out his cell phone. He starts tinkering and is no longer with him. Peter sighs, and turns his face to the window.

"Don't be frightened by the word  _ variant _ , please," snaps little Tony, appearing with a  _ pouf _ that almost causes him to have a myocardial infarction. He puts a hand on his heart, and hopes that Mr. Stark hasn't seen him jump. He glances at him, but fortunately is still focused on his phone.

“Being a variant is not bad at all! He told you he could participate alone, and he chose you out of many. Go with lead feet, but it seems a good thing!“, Spidy exclaims, and his second heart attack of the day blew him away, even if he got close, when that little boy appeared. He is silent, he does not answer, only so as not to be an exhausted madman who speaks for himself again. Just look out the window, and Boston is getting closer. Except that the word  _ variant…  _ he just can't digest it ...

...

And so his room is so large that it includes a bar corner and a sitting area with a fireplace! The style is rococo, or at least it seems to him and, waiting for him, there is a large whirlpool tub and a giant double bed that seems very comfortable. He drops the suitcases on the ground and, without thinking about it, throws himself on the belly mattress, welcomed by a white and soft pillow. He smiles against the fabric and sighs.

"Great little place! So, Mr. Stark treats himself well, huh! " Tony forces him to turn on his back and, when he meets his eyes, he sees him sitting cross-legged on the bed, while he looks around with a smirk. “Nice accommodation, I like it! We could stay here forever. "

Peter snorts amused and crosses his arms behind his head. “If I had enough money, I would gladly move here. The life of the wealthy industrialist suits me! "

"No not at all. You have a clerk face. You are destined to act as a shoulder to people, while proving yourself better than them. It's life, Peter. And, believe me, there are those who are worse off than you”, Tony continues, with a fake regretful expression. Peter looks at him skeptically, then turns to the other side, on his side, and to welcome him there is Spidy, also sitting on the mattress, with his hands clasped on his knees.

“You should take a shower and get ready for the conference. It doesn't lack muc”, he rebuked him.

«Come on, I have to get rid of the adrenaline of the flight! Don't be a father," he snorts.

"There's a jacuzzi, Pete! I wonder what you are waiting for. If I were you, I would soak in there and i wouldn’t go in there. "

“You two scare me when you're so extreme in your recommendations. Seriously, sometimes you confuse my ideas. That's why I end up not deciding at all! "

"That's you. We are here to give you some advice and you, at least, should follow one,  _ at least _ . Instead it's better to ignore, isn't it?”, Spidy continues, and has planted his hands on his hips.

They look at each other for endless seconds, and Peter wonders who will be the first to give up but, apparently, his good conscience is much more determined than him.

«All right, I'm going! I have no choice, apparently! " He gets up in frustration with one hand in his hair, then takes off his shirt and enters the bathroom.

"Wash well behind your ears!" Spidy yells at him, and Peter just has time to hear him, because he has already closed the door behind his shoulders. "It'll drive me crazy," he sighs, then looks at Tony when he feels his gaze on him. He smiles slyly.

"I'll buy you a drink," he says, and he pulls the hotel card key on him, blushing.

...

The conference finally took place. Peter felt terribly uncomfortable in front of all those reporters, and when his turn to answer questions came, he knows he has hesitated most of the time; he made too many requests for approval from Mr. Stark and, when the end of the meeting was finally decreed, giving everyone an appointment the next day, he felt better. He breathed a sigh of relief that the other one could not fail to notice but, if there is something that really made him happy, it is the fact that his two consciences, for once, have left him alone. It wasn't all that traumatic, but he's not used to showing himself in public, so when he is Spider-Man he feels more comfortable, because it's not really him. It's another person, an alter-ego hidden behind a mask, that turns on security and spurs him not to be afraid of himself. Something that Peter, when he is  _ Peter _ will never get by staying himself. Spidy always tells him that it is his way of being and that to improve he only needs to accept himself. Except that Peter has too many things he wants and will never get, including Mr. Stark's bravado and, most of all, his approval and ...  _ his heart _ . A melancholy and romantic thought, but he loves him. He has not been hiding it from himself for some time, and it is one of the few things he has almost accepted, a pity that is a cause of great suffering. A clumsy guy who loves a confident man. He’s not in one of those romance novels that Aunt May reads, where the shy country girl marries the Archduke of the county; rich and crazy about her. They are in reality, he likes men, and he has no statistical possibility that for Mr. Stark is the same. And even if he also had the same preferences, would he ever be interested in him? Just Peter "bad luck" Parker? Of course not, it's pure utopia! He should simply try to forget it and shift his attention to something else, but apparently it's pretty damn difficult. Love is not controlled.

So he finds himself again in his hotel room, wearing an elegant suit, a white coat, a card attached to his breast pocket and his arms crossed on his stomach, while he is lying on the bed staring at the ceiling, wondering what the thing really is just to do to shake off that stupid melancholy.

“You will have dinner with him, won't you? Why don't you try to feel the ground? You ask him if he is married, if he has someone waiting for him at home and, I don’t know, what he thinks about you”, spurs Tony, while Spidy is on his shoulder and tries to give him a massage with his little hands. Peter doesn't even feel it, but lets him do it. It's nice that he worries about him and his tense muscles.

He sighs. "What do he think about me? Come on ... we already know. "

“No, we don't know but instead of going as direct as mini-Stark would do, I would go there with lead feet. Create the opportunity, with no direct questions, or he will take you for a crazy moment” advises the little Spider-Man and, although Peter is convinced he doesn't want to ask Mr. Stark any questions, he thinks his is a decidedly idea better than that of the other.

"He already thinks i’m crazy, when I talk to you and he thinks that I speak alone," he sighs. “No, I'll just go to dinner with him. If the talk comes up, then we'll talk about it, if not ... well, it was just another dinner that didn't lead to anything. "

"As if it were the practice of Tony Stark to take people out to dinner without interest ..."

“Tony, he does it with other people, and we've already talked about this. I don't have the exclusive right on him!”, He points out, and feels that he is getting nervous. Raise his wrist to check the time. There is a quarter of an hour left for dinner and he should start getting his hair straightened, as they messed up when he threw himself again on the angel's comfortable mattress. "I'm getting ready," he says, and stands up, grimly. Still in a bad mood. Still broken in half between what he wants and what he will never have. He disappears in the bathroom, and would just like to disappear.

"Why is he doing this?" Asks Spidy and Tony shrugs.

"That invitation to have a drink is still valid, Spidy!"

The little good conscience sighs, not before having glared at him. "I guess I can't turn it down this time."

...

When Peter reaches the restaurant, the last image that has remained impressed in front of his eyes is about his two consciences  _ flirting with _ each other, toasting with small glasses of sparkling wine, a little sparkling, which wish him a good evening and chase him away. It's not normal, it never happened, but Peter has the feeling that his mind is generating random and disturbing images just to force him to move even one step forward. He hasn't done any since he joined that fucking industry and, frustrating as it may be, in the end he doesn't make a damn thing.

Mr. Stark is seated at a table, and is leafing through the menu. He absently drinks red wine from a cup, without ever taking his eyes off the paper. He purses his lips, perhaps to register the taste of that drink, and when Peter approaches he looks up at his and gives him a smile.

"Ah, Parker! Welcome. I have already ordered an appetizer for two. There is a little bit of everything, so surely there will be something you like too ... or at least I hope. "

Peter sits across from him. He undoes his jacket before doing so. He doesn't know why he untied it, but Mr. Stark always does, before taking a seat. So he simply imitates him in an attempt to look at least as elegant as he is. Except that he just feels stupid.

"You did well, I rarely don’t like something."

"Are you alone tonight?" Asks the man, and Peter gasps.

"Alone? What do you mean?”, He asks, and his heartbeats begin to accelerate. Does he see them? Can he see them? No, it can't be, it can't be that ...

«Your inner voices. It's like the first time I see you coming without  _ muttering _ something. I thought you had something like a talking cricket in your head that only you can hear,” he chuckles, and pours him wine, which Peter won't drink anyway. He doesn't like alcohol. It pinches on the tongue.

"Ah, yes .. well, sometimes I have a couple of  _ crickets _ zomping on my shoulders. They are ... the voice of my bullshit. They are used to try to stem the damage of my questionable choices”, he explains, with a smirk, and he is happy that Tony is amused by the thing and that he is not making fun of him. It means a lot, in a moment of insecurity like that. "So how did it go today? Sounds good to me, doesn't it? "

"Better than I expected," admits Mr. Stark, lapidary. He puts the glass of wine on the table and does that curling lips again. Peter goes out of his way not to be enchanted. They are the simplest things, to attract him. Like when he turns the pen between his fingers, throw it in the air, and pick it up without even noticing. Magic, according to Peter. Irresistible magic. «You are still unsure, and you don't know how to talk to the public without getting stuck, but the talking is there and the knowledge too. You can talk, you just have to learn to do it in such a context. Tomorrow will be better, you will see."

"It's just that ... I'm shy. In addition, it is the first time that I speak in front of so many people. I'm sorry if I made you look bad," he says, clumsily, and bites his lips. Appetizers arrive and Peter realizes he isn't even hungry anymore. His stomach has closed right now, and he just wants to be told that it's okay, that it's not a  _ variant _ , but that it's  _ essential _ .

«No bad figure, you said what you had to. Stop making yourself unnecessary wheezes, Parker. We are not all born  _ Tony Stark _ , who has never been afraid to speak to the public. But that's called cheekiness, and it's not an advantage if you're asking. "

Peter chuckles. "But it helps."

«It is certainly not bad to have some. You don't need much. A pinch is enough. I like my assistant to be like this:  _ humble _ . Do you know that two self-centered, arrogant balls in the same room? At least balance the balance of humanity. We are a great team together,” admits Mr. Stark, although Peter has the feeling he is saying it just to make him happy and motivate him to do better the next day. Put the fork in a tiny mozzarella. He has never seen anything like this and, with difficulty, puts it in his mouth and discovers that in truth it is very good. Tony laughs, and Peter knows he has put on an idiotic expression; the best he has, apparently.

"So what about you? You have the dream job andyou live with a very young aunt. Any plans for the future? Live alone? Moving you out of Queens?” Asks Tony. He rests his elbows on the table, closes his fists and rests his chin on it, apparently really interested in his future plans.

Peter coughs and looks away for a moment, awkwardly. “Well, staying at Industries is a project, moving in is a little more complex. You know, Aunt May is single and also a widow. Since I work for you I give her excellent financial support and it seems to me the least, since she raised me, so I'm staying there for now. I don't want to leave her alone," he admits.

«An exemplary nephew! And your girlfriend doesn't give you big breast? Or did she understand that the situation is more complex than it might seem? "

"Girlfriend? N-no, I don't have ... I don't have a girlfriend. I'm single and work takes me a lot of time, so for now I prefer to dedicate myself to this: to create a future for myself. I know, it's sad, but ... "

"No it is not. They are predispositions. If you don't feel up to it, you don't have to justify yourself. Not with me, at least, ”smiles Tony, and goes back to eating. He almost looks like someone who got the answer he was looking for. Maybe he just wanted to test the ground for his loyalty at work, even if Peter, for a moment, hoped he was asking him if he was single for other reasons.

"And you? Is there anyone waiting for you when you come back? Are you married? Do you have ... a family? "

Tony looks at him. A cheek swollen with tartar. He swallows and laughs.

"Oh dear, Parker! Who do you think you're talking to? If I had a family you would certainly have known it from newspapers! Am I or am I not one of the five most influential men in the world? "

Peter snorts amused and shrugs. “I have never been interested in gossip very much, actually ... but I think even someone like me would have heard about it, yes. So you're a bachelor, like me?” He asks, and is so afraid of being annoying that he would almost like to tell him that he does nothing, that there is no need for him to answer.

“A bachelor who waits for his chance, like everyone else. In the meantime I go on. Who has time, have to do not waste time, Parker. " He smiles and Peter is more confused than ever. He doesn't know if he telling him that he doesn't want to be with anyone or that he wants to create an opportunity, and that he could be a good candidate. Who knows if that fact that he is alone, without anyone, a person like him, does not mean that they share the same  _ discomfort _ towards about their sexuality … he doesn’t know and doesn't want to ask him.

So the evening ends with speeches that turn to work and advice on self-esteem that Peter knows he will never follow. And then, between a carefree laugh and the other, they find themselves in front of the door of his room, ready to say goodnight and make an appointment on the next day; for the conference, and then for the journey that will conclude that incredible and strange adventure. Which he wishes would not end and at the same time he would already like to be in Queens, trying to forget Tony Stark.

“Well, here we are. End of the race, ”he says, with a smirk, and Mr. Stark is in front of him: his hands in his pockets and bright silver in his brown pupils. Sometimes Peter hopes that that look is dedicated only to him, but he knows that this is not the case, only that he likes to dream of utopias.

"Are we really going to sleep, Parker?" Asks the man, and he raised an eloquent eyebrow.

He confuses him sometimes. He displaces him so much that it takes the smile off his face. He steals it from him, hides it somewhere, and then gives it back when he wants.

«I-I don't know. It's almost midnight, and tomorrow we have a very long day ahead and ... »

«We could have a drink and continue our chat. I'm not sleepy, and neither do you seem so tired. Downstairs they make amazing Long Islands, you know?” Winks Mr. Stark and he is so sure of himself and of the answer to that invitation, which scares him. It was a different evening; even though they talked about work, Peter knows he crossed a more personal threshold when they talked about their love situation. Tony looks more relaxed when he turns to him, as if telling him he's single has triggered a lock on his vision of their relationship. There is a hope that perhaps there is an interest. There is hope that Tony Stark is trying to get to know him better, perhaps to find out if he really is who he thinks he is. If it is the likely result of expectations that have been made on him.

Peter's heart beats fast, and remains silent for so long that the smile on Mr. Stark's face becomes less genuine, annihilated by that wait. There is tension, but also expectations. There are too many news that Peter is not ready to face, so he simply lowers his head and, cursing himself, destroys himself again.

“No, I ... I would prefer to rest, it was a long day, between the flight and everything else. Maybe ... maybe another time, okay?”, He says, and when he raises his head and meets the other's eyes again, he reads the disappointment in his pupils now devoid of the sparkling light he had in. He just refused an invitation from Mr. Stark and is probably the first human being who dared to do so.

_ Courage ... _ the truth is that he did not accept out because he’s a coward, for fear of feeding other fantasies and then discovering that it is only an invitation for a drink, by a boss to his assistant.

“Okay, as you wish. So have a good rest, Parker” says Mr. Stark, simply. He hesitates for a moment, and even opens his mouth to say more, but then he closes it and turns around. He leaves, and shortly afterwards enters his room, without giving him one last look, the one that probably would have convinced him to say that yes, he accepts. What does he wants. Which is throwing too precious an opportunity. Peter jerks and approaches Tony's door; he raises a fist to knock and he can't. The hand freezes in midair and, cursing himself, returns to his room. He doesn't even turn on the light, he just throws himself on the bed and sighs tiredly.

There is silence. So much silence. Too much silence. He looks around and does not understand why that quiet scares him so much. There is only the indistinct echo of the curses that he is self-inflicting, and that he knows he deserves and, above all, the disappointment towards himself for not having jumped on that occasion that certainly will never arise again.

He sits on the mattress and picks up his knees to his chest. He looks around again and then realizes that something is missing in the middle of that melancholy.

"Guys?" He calls softly, but no Spidy and no mini-Tony show up on his shoulder, giving him advice and comfort. "Guys," he says louder and nothing happens.

Now he is afraid. He trembles and has only one awareness: if even they are no longer there, it means that he made the biggest shit of his life and that, this, took away even the mental projection of his courage and his common sense. Something that, in fifteen years of living together, has never happened before.

**End of Chapter II**

**Author notes** :

and there are cascades again: comedian? A par of tufts! I know, but it's true that the story had to go like this, even if the scene between Tony and Peter in front of the hotel room had to be more comical. Instead it was not at all.

The fact that the little bitches would disappear was also planned, with Peter's mental image saying "Oh, no!" when he finds out, and instead everything I touch becomes angst ç_ç I apologize in advance for this XD

I hope to be able to complete the next chapter soon, in the meantime let me know if you liked this ♥

let me know about english mistakes please, i need it to improve myself ♥

Until next time,

**Miry**

  
  



	4. Chapter 3

"Can I be more stupid?"

"Oh, no. I don't think so, Peter. If you want to be more stupid than this you should decline a second invitation from Tony Stark but, hey, I'm sure you won't have a second chance! "

“Thanks a lot, Ned. No, really, thank you! "

Ned snorts air from his nose. He rolls his eyes and gives him a frustrated look, which contains all the guilt feelings that Peter feels inside. He told him everything, and to do so, he took advantage of seeing him on the day off that they gave him at Stark Industries - or that Mr. Stark gave him because he was so disappointed by his refusal, that maybe he doesn't even want to see him anymore. He would not be surprised if a nice letter of dismissal came to him tomorrow, but, of course, for now the man is only using the worst weapon he can reserve: ignore him.

The return trip from Boston - as well as the second conference, were a real disaster. Not only did the flight have moments of absolute silence that annihilated and tense him, but the meeting with the public certainly did not demonstrate his commitment to human relations, as his boss expected. He stammered out questions, and Mr. Stark didn't even help him in his defense. He did nothing but ignore him, look elsewhere, with his arms crossed over his chest and his eyes hidden behind the dark lenses of his glasses. Nothing like this has ever happened between them, and Peter feels so guilty that he no longer knows what to do. He doesn't know whether to report to him tomorrow, and apologize for being  _ afraid  _ of that appointment; he doesn't know whether to go there and tell him that perhaps in that invitation he saw something that he  _ wanted _ , and instead, perhaps, in the end it was just a friendly proposal to have a drink.

The problem is that only Mr. Stark can confirm such a thing, but there is nothing that pushes him to take that step.

Moreover, his two consciences have disappeared since that day; since he returned to his room and found them waiting for him, they have never returned. He tried to call them several times, but never got an answer. In fifteen years of living together, it is something that has never happened before; he often wished that they disappeared forever, as if this could be considered a sign that he has grown and matured, but in a situation like this Peter feels nothing of the kind, quite the contrary. He feels immature, stupid, unable to take chances on which he has always fantasized. He hates himself so much that he hasn't even slept, crushed by guilt.

In reality he misses them. He misses them so much.

Furthermore, Ned's brutality does not help. If there had been little Tony, sitting on his shoulder, he would certainly have had a solution in his hands. And if there had been little Spidy, it certainly would have made it less rushed and more thoughtful, but they would not have left him alone in his thoughts, without a solution.

Peter never knew how to think alone. And this is certainly not the right time to start doing it.

«Look, it's completely absurd. He invited you and you decline, you went back to your room and your consciences are gone. Peter, it's a sign. They are testing you. You had your chance and wasted it, when both of them were there waiting for you to find the courage to step forward. You didn't do it, he thought about it, and the smartest thing that came to your mind was to tell him that you were tired? I guess even they will have taken it. I would have taken it too. In fact, let's say I was upset. "

"They don't exist." Peter snorts. He runs a hand through his hair. Sip his cappuccino in a paper cup. It is lukewarm, because it is whole minutes that he holds it in his hands and is unable to knock it down, as his stomach is closed. Not even the pleasant breeze of that afternoon in the park helps. «There have never been, they are products of my mind. I'm crazy. Who would ever want to be with a madman? "

"Oh I do not know. Apparently Mr. Stark was trying to make you understand that he is also doing well. Peter, you are not crazy. When you told me about those two  _ things _ I didn't want to believe it, but you are my friend, and despite this weirdness I wouldn't change you with anyone else in the world ... and you make me angry about it, and ... », begins Ned, stops , then breathes a nasal sigh which is like a hundred kilos weight on Peter's conscience, already heavy in itself. "Why are you doing this? Damn, you're an idiot. "

"I don't know," he whines, "Do you remember when I joined Industries? I wanted to retire because I had achieved the goal I had set myself, too afraid of the idea of disappointing everyone's expectations. With Mr. Stark it's the same thing ... let's say he really wanted to invite me to have a drink to get to know us better and start something ... let's say it was his intention, if we then start dating and disappoint him? And does he find out I'm not the person you think I am? "

"Peter, you  _ are _ the person you are. There is nothing that you are hiding from him, apart from your consciences on the shoulders, but there are things that are not necessary to tell and, well, if you really had to undertake a relationship, maybe you can tell him, feel the ground, understand what would you think of such a thing. " Ned is sweet. Peter always thought he was very lucky, to have him as a friend. He was the first person - and perhaps the only one - to whom he said he had a preference for the male universe, and unlike what Peter had thought, he was understanding, indeed ... it was  _ normal _ . He just said, "Okay, okay. I'm hungry now. " And he was really hungry.

"What if being myself isn't enough?" He bites his lips. He points two insecure eyes on him; the same one that would like to see it go forever.

Ned smiles and shrugs. "It means you're not what he wants. It's not your fault, people can't be what others want. Do you know how much annoying the world it would be? All condescending, all bowed to the will of others. And I don't think Tony Stark is someone who wants a person in his image and likeness next to him or ... worse, a dog to teach. I see him more as someone looking for his peer and, well, it is clear that he saw this in you, if his intent was to try to get to know you. "

"What do I have to do? Ned, please ... make me conscientious and be brutal! »Exclaims Peter, and ends that request with a smile, but in truth he is desperate. He would like to make up for that mistake; talk to Mr. Stark and understand what he wants from him, and if that can give him  _ something _ . Without forcing, without pretending what is not. He just wants to know if they fit together perfectly. Or at least a little.

"Do you want me to be more mini-Tony or more mini-Spidy?" Asks Ned, with a laugh and Peter swallows a bitter ball that got stuck in his throat. It may seem funny, seen from his perspective, but his best friend has no idea how difficult it is to live without those two on his back who advise him what to do, although in recent times he has never considered a single advice ... and he regrets it, because now they are gone, they abandoned him and they were terribly right to have done so.

"A mix?" He asks.

«Go to him tomorrow. Ask to speak a little, tell him you're sorry for being so shy. Tell him that you would have accepted at a different time, but that he caught you off guard and you didn't know what to do. Tell him that it frightened you to admit your doubts, but that if you can come back, you would drink that drink willingly. "

"I don't know if I'm able to say all these things ... I don't know if I can say them without stammering and wrapping myself like a moron," he admits, and runs a hand through his hair, while trying to memorize those words and make them his . He already has the scene in front of him, only that he is so insecure that, in the final, he sees only a fourth category tragedy, with Mr. Stark who derides him and runs away with a beautiful model with long legs, leaving him alone to bask in his mistakes . He should stop letting his imagination gallop like this ...

«And even if it were? You are like that, and pretending to be sure of yourself is the most wrong thing you can do. They are two labors, instead of one. Tell him what you need, how you have to, your way. The important thing is that you do it, Peter. You can't leave things like that, he's your boss, he gave you the opportunity to take a trip with him where he tried to communicate something to you. Now it's your turn to answer, ”Ned concludes and, with all the security of the world, swallows his orange soda in one sip, without batting an eyelid when a handful of ice cubes enter his mouth. He chews them with a smile. Peter gives him a disgusted look, then they burst out laughing, and a little that light moment widens his heart and gives him almost hope.

_ He can do it. _

...

_ He can't do it. _

He cannot knock, he has neither the strength nor the courage.  _ Peter the Lionheart _ , so Aunt May called him, when he was little, just because he climbed on furniture and was not afraid of getting hurt. In truth in that period he was not afraid of anything, it was the growth, the weight of a different life, the arrival of Spider-Man, that of the problems related to his double identity, his sentimental preferences and ... the constant disappointments. The fear of failing, always. To never be  _ enough.  _ The fear of not being loved as much as he is able to love him.

He lowers the hand he had raised for a knock and, with a sigh, pockets it and prepares to leave, only that the door opens suddenly and Mr. Stark is there, in front of him, motionless. He just winced and his eyes widened as if a myocardial infarction had just occurred and, frightened by his reaction, Peter puts his feet on the ground, and almost falls forward. He stands in balance just in time, before finding himself face to face with him in silence.

"Mr. Stark, I know-"

“Parker, you've been behind this door about ten minutes. I saw your silhouette through the glass; I almost thought you were the spirit of past Christmas that came to haunt me, at some point. It made me desist from thinking it that the sound of disturbing chains had not preceded it,” he interrupts, raising a hand to stop him.

Peter feels he has put on an expression of sheer confusion. He slightly opened his mouth in an "o" that precedes a babble and, trying to assimilate that avalanche of  _ random things _ said by a man accustomed to inventing even worse, observes him silently for five, endless seconds.

«The ghost- okay, look, maybe I'm boring you and you have better things to do. I get rid of the trouble, and pass by again. "

"Oh, are you  _ avoiding _ me for the second time?"

"Actually, I'm trying not to make the same mistake as the other day, Mr. Stark ... and since I'd like to fix it, maybe this isn't the right time."

«It is always the right time. Come, "replies the man, standing sideways on the door to give him the space to enter," Come in, and let's talk a little. You're not the only one who has to fix it, apparently. "

If there is one thing those words generated in Peter, it is certainly another confusion. He didn't think Mr. Stark felt this way ...  _ like him _ , and he still doesn't know how to define him, how he feels. If there was little Spidy he would certainly have the answer he is looking for, but he is not there, and remembering him certainly does not make him feel more peaceful. He swallows air, and enters the study, even if at this moment he would just like to run away with his legs upright because he knows that he will do more trouble. He won't know what to say, he'll end up silent and won't solve anything at all. It will probably only make things worse. It's known.

He sits down in the center of the room, and when Mr. Stark beckons him to sit down, he replies with a denial of his head. "No, I prefer that it be quick and painless," he smiles awkwardly, with a chill shiver that runs all over his back. They are spider senses, active as if they were a radar in search of Indiana Jones' lost gold. He would rely on them, if only they were not useful for the purpose of perceiving a danger, and not a reciprocated love.

"As you wish," sighs Mr. Stark, then goes over to a shelf, and pours himself a glass of whiskey. When he asks him if he wants some, Peter shakes his head again negatively. "Then? What are the good news? "

“Mr. Stark, first of all, I wanted to apologize for the other day in Boston. I'm really sorry about how things went. You gave me a great opportunity and I didn't know how to take advantage of it. I'm very sorry, I must have disappointed you », he says at the speed of light, and spits out that avalanche of words as if he could no longer keep them inside. He took a step, apologized to him. It's not much, but it's always better to stay static in one spot. The same where he had been standing for months.

Tony Stark raises his eyebrows. Stop the action of drinking from his glass; he renounces it to reveal a laugh without enthusiasm and, approaching him clinking his finger against the glass, he looks like a panther who has pointed his prey.

"Shall we talk about the conference or the proposal you kindly declined that evening?"

"Probably both," he admits, and bites his lips. He pulls them so hard that he hurts himself. He lowers his head when Tony sighs and places the glass on his desk, a few steps away from them. He managed to get rid of the urge to drink even to his boss.

“It didn't go wrong for the conference. Maybe I would have avoided all those stammering, but it's your first experience. I didn't bring you there with the idea that I could learn you right away how to behave in front of an audience. I wanted you to observe and have direct experience with people. The next time will be better."

"So you didn't decide to fire me or stop taking me with you to similar events?"

"I should? My opinion on your abilities doesn't change; you're the best and that’s okay for now. I didn't hire you because you're a funny guy, but because you're capable. Work is work, Parker. If you do it right, no denied drink will fire you. If you stab me, maybe I could even think about it, but until then ... »He smiles. Tony Stark smiles and Peter feels like dying. He would like to do the same if it were not that he stressed that, after all, the problem of that denied invitation generated something; he put up a wall, cracked their relationship in some way and is increasingly convinced that if he said yes, things would be different now. Maybe in a universe where he wasn't a moron, he and Mr. Stark started seeing themselves outside of work; maybe where they are already exchanged a kiss - the first. Or maybe, always in another universe, Tony didn't want to invite him to drink for that purpose, he laughed at his face and broke his heart. Bad, sure, but at least in both cases he took a step and got his sentence. Here, in this, it still floats between so many  _ if _ and  _ but. _

«I would have liked to say yes. I ... I just got scared. I wasn't prepared for such an invitation " he explains, and starts rubbing his hands together nervously. "I got scared," he repeats and raises his eyes.

Tony looks at him without saying anything. He closed his mouth, but tilted his head slightly in a sign of disappointment that Peter cannot fail to notice, especially in the eyes, and thinks that it is turned to him. Let him be the one who let him down, at least until he speaks, and everything breaks again into a thousand pieces.

"I know.  _ I _ 've scared you, I guess,” he says, and looks away, and retrieves the whiskey glass. He drinks a drop. He purses his lips and registers their taste, but Peter has the impression that he is taking time, and is taking advantage of it to think about what to say and how to do it, without hurting him. He would just like to answer that no, the invitation did not frighten him, but the fear that it was not the same for both of them. He didn't frighten him because he doesn't want them to take a step forward, but because he thinks he's the only one who hopes it will happen. «It had been a beautiful evening. For once, you didn't shut yourself up, you let yourself free. You seemed comfortable. I asked you to continue that  _ thing  _ that started only because I was comfortable too. Then I realized that I was the only one who was good, in the end. I am your boss, I invited you to a conference, the day had gone well. Of course I was happy, but your intentions stopped where mine started, I suppose. "

«I was at ease. Really, I was at ease », he intervenes, and takes a step towards him. “I wanted to keep talking to you, even all night if it was possible, but I thought it was my own thing. When heyou asked me, you blew me away. I got scared because I wasn't ready. Because for me it was unthinkable that it was the same for you ... I'm sorry I made you believe I was uncomfortable because of you. "

Tony enters a silence that is not unpleasant, he knows only about whirling thoughts that have the purpose of putting ideas back in order. Peter knows it is, because exactly the same thing is happening to his brain. He had no idea that there was only a huge misunderstanding in between and that their way of dealing with it decidedly turned reality in a completely different direction. He wasn't sure what Mr. Stark wanted from him, and vice versa. Now things have changed so much and are so absurd that he doesn't know what to say. Probably neither of them has the ability to express a right thought. It is a fragile, delicate moment; so much that Peter hopes that little Tony and little Peter will show up to give him a hand and help him open that damn mouth and break that silence that hurts.

"So ..."

"Yes, Mr. Stark?" He replied in such a lapidary way that the voice came out shrill and too full of expectations. Of vain hopes, or maybe not anymore. Her back and fragile knees are trembling. It is no longer even as strong as Spider-Man. It is a shaky jelly that is about to fall apart.

"Is it just like a huge misunderstanding? Because it is good to know this, certain things. It is absurd that I started keeping a distance to avoid making you uncomfortable, while you felt guilty because you thought I was doing it because I felt offended by your refusal. Do you realize it yourself? », He continues and, if he hadn't said it with a half smile, Peter would think he is almost annoyed by that fact.

He nods. "Yes, it's absurd and ... look, I don't know what's going on. I don't know what... between  _ you _ and  _ me _ . " He has just had the courage to give him more confidence, and only god knows which saint in heaven gave him that push to do it. And the paradoxical thing is to see Tony jump imperceptibly, in front of that kind of step forward, which is still wrapped in the fog of confusion, doubt and fear of the future.

They’re in that moment of stalemate where They’re no longer a mentor and a pupil but neither are two people who are deciding which relationship suits them best. They float in nothing, but they are so high that the fall will be painful.

“I don't know,  _ Peter _ . You tell me what's going on. " He pronounced his name with such confidence that it almost seems like he always has, and instead it's the first time. He abandoned the reverence, and Mr. Stark, in his own way, did the same by abandoning his surname as an appellation. They look at each other so intensely that Peter's eyes hurt. He opens his mouth and stutters too many disconnected sentences and would just like to tell him that he wants something to happen, that that stalemate is worse than the doubt he had of not being reciprocated.

He's going to tell him. He wants to tell her, and the door opens wide, inexorably collapsing that intent, which he would soon have reached, with his times. As Ned told him, he wants to be himself without forcing the times and pretending to be self-assured, but Tony is such a busy person that it is already a lot if he has spent those scarce ten minutes.

“Mr. Stark, sorry if I bother you. They want you downstairs for advice. They say it is urgent. "

The secretary remains there, immobile, evidently ready to accompany him downstairs; this does not give him the opportunity to do anything but breathe air through his nose and channel it into his lungs in one and the only attempt not to stop breathing. Time has stopped there, in that bubble of confidence where he has just lost the opportunity to express his intentions.

_ I want to try building something with you. Everything. Anything, as long as it's with you.  _ He wants to tell him, and tries to do it with his eyes, but Tony sighs and doesn't look at him anymore.

"We'll talk about it again," he says only and, without even saying goodbye, he rushes out putting on the safe facade of all time, and he's already gone ahead. He has already forgotten that conversation; instead Peter is there, static, motionless, alone again, waiting for that spell that has made him a statue of stone, of broken pieces.

He no longer knows what is going on and maybe nothing is happening at all.

**End of Chapter III**


End file.
